“Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.”
Psalm 25:6 ESV
I remember the very first time I began to refer to Heidi in the past tense. It was literally minutes after the surgeon broke the news of her passing away. I also remember how shortly after her death I began to notice my inability to remember things about Heidi: Conversations, interactions, stories and other things.
It’s a terrible feeling when you notice you can’t remember something especially when the person who you might confer with to jog your memory is now but a memory. In that moment, not only does death make us pause and realize a new kind of aloneness, but the fading aspect of our memory drills that aloneness into an even more eerie silence.
It can tempt us to feel hopeless and in a world where there is no God, it truly is hopeless. It’s one thing to no longer have your friend and companion, it’s quite another to not have God.
Today is two years since Heidi went to be with her Maker.
All my remaining memories are still quite fond and thanks to technology, I am given more reminders of our former days in either a little photo of the day or some compilations mixed with some rhapsody tune (inspired by Apple of course).
One thing I am thankful for this past year is knowing in new ways that God never forgets to extend his mercy and pour out his love. When the psalmist says they are from of old, what he is alluding to is that God’s mercy and love are eternal. Another way think about this: God has always been merciful and loving.
Unlike me, when my memory fades by the moment, God never forgets to extend his love and mercy.
When death is at the precipice, we need not a wandering kind of mercy and love, but a love and mercy aimed directly at us. I am reminded of one of the thieves on the cross (Luke 23:42 NIV) “Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
If there is ever a time we want God to be particularly mindful and recall His love for us, it is in our impending death.
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As my days prolong, despite the photos, my memory is experiencing a waning. I don’t like this. I can’t remember everything I wish I could remember in my life with Heidi, but I know this: God remembered his mercy and love toward her in Christ.
Though her outer body wasted away and died, her spirit is alive and with the Lord. The love with which the Father loved her was from of old…from eternity past. There was never a moment, as you and I conceptualize time, that the Heavenly Father’s love was not directly fixed on Heidi. He had Heidi in mind when Christ died and rose from the dead so that when it came time for her to die, she would receive the blessed hope of her salvation; that is, everlasting life with the One who is love. (Cf. 1 John 4:8 NIV).
Unlike us…and unlike me especially…when our ability to remember things fades, praise be to God who never forgets; who always remembers.
I pray your heart can call upon God today to pray to him to remember his mercy and steadfast love toward you. Because of what Christ has done, Heidi is basking in that mercy and love as speak. May you rest in that eternal mercy and love as well.
Read the rest of Psalm 25 HERE
