Dear Friends and Family,
Today marks one month of Heidi’s death. It’s still sinking in. It’s been a long month. Painful. Disorienting and lonely. Yet, I know and believe that God is here. He is present, by his Spirit, providing comfort and consolation to me, Heidi’s parents, siblings, the extended family, and her friends who knew, loved and were affected by her life and death.
Ever since 3/28, I’ve been thinking about how God goes about providing comfort to those who mourn. This was a promise of Jesus: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matt 5:5). Emphasis on will be, as in, it will happen.
But how…how exactly does God go about providing comfort for his people? In the midst of this kind of pain, this is what we need…we need comfort.
So far, the way I see it, God has provided that comfort by and through you and through those who aren’t necessarily part of the Caring Bridge family but are journeying alongside us.
We have received cards, notes, emails, texts, monetary and food support from all over the world. One particular aspect of God’s mercy on display has been through my work. I have been given freedom to take the time I need to “recover” as I now say, and my colleagues (with whom I spend a significant portion of my day-to-day life) have been so very kind, supportive, caring, patient and understanding.
In view of all the notes I am receiving in the mail, one thing sticking out to me is…the person of Heidi was as lovely, bright, jovial, bubbly, vivacious, energetic, fun and a great, great lover of Jesus, to all of you as she was to me.
This is who she was to everyone who knew her. Her life and testimony that you are sharing with me through your notes brings great joy and comfort to my spirit. With every new note I am reading, I think to myself something to this effect…boy, I was so blessed to be married to her; she was such a beautiful woman, a dear friend, an awesome colleague…
God has also provided comfort by his Spirit in reminding me (and us) of the Father’s magnificent goodness; of his ever present faithfulness; of the great truth of his sovereign care and perfect plan for our lives, and by and through His gracious reminders of the truth of the gospel. A core promise of the gospel is that because Jesus is risen, therefore those in Christ will also rise from the dead. This is comforting. I will see Heidi again someday. This is comforting. And when I see her again, I too will be with Jesus. This is very comforting.
I’d like to invite you to view a clip from an interview I had at my local church where I answered few questions including a brief description of mine and Heidi’s life together, and the last several hours of our time together on earth. You can view the clip HERE. Perhaps it will encourage you.
I hope you bear with us as we may continue to use CaringBridge as a medium in allowing others to know about our burdens so you can share in them. But not just our burdens but to journey with us just a little further in this new season.
I admit there is a tinge of pain when I tell you that I no longer need to write a CaringBridge note asking for prayer that her creatinine levels return to normal or that some bacterial infection will dissipate, or…fill in the blank. These prayers aren’t needed any longer because drawing labs or hospital visits are no longer needed. While this is in a way another layer of loss, (and now I say with many tears) I don’t want this back because Heidi is with Jesus who has provided for her perfect healing that no doctor can ever provide. Jesus himself has provided for her, in full, all of what our past prayers for her could merely hope for. This is terribly painful but somehow comforting at the same time.
I’ve attached a “never-before-seen” photo of us at a Norwalk favorite last fall where they would even offer live music. We loved doing that sort of thing together.
Finally, in the coming weeks, I will be producing a song I wrote. Only a few of you know that in light of COVID, I stumbled upon a new talent…writing and singing rap music. Be on the lookout. The song is titled, This Is My Hope.
This blog was originally posted on the Heidi’s Hope Caring Bridge site on 4/28/2021